Docos and Dancers
by Maria Queen
Summary: Lovino Vargas is a pampered Documentary film maker who turned down his families business for journalism. Antonio Fernández Carriedo is a ex Spanish teen star turned Dancer, who just wants to teach. (Random oneshots about their relationship and family, not in any chronological order) T for swearing rating will go up.
1. In Defense I use this Slur

**Disclaimer, I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters**

 **This will be a series of random one shots focused on Spain and Romano and their experience as parents and how they meet.**

 **Dugg, Carlos and Denali (pronounced den-ah-lees) are ocs.**

 **Alfred- America**

 **Lovino- S. Italy**

 **Antonio- Spain**

 **Asian woman- Vietnam**

 **Pretty young guy- New Zeland**

Lovino leaned against the car as he watched his son playing with the other kids in the car park. They'd just arrived at the meeting point for a camp his son had been invited on by a friend. Lovino had been asked by one of the fathers if he'd like to chaperone. He wasn't really one for being the parental figure at camps and school dances that was usually handled by his husband.

Carlos had begged him to come and Antonio's dance studio had an important competition during the days they'd be away. He relented and decided it couldn't hurt to make friends though taking a look at the other fathers and there complete lack of attractiveness and utter Americanism he was starting to think otherwise.

Carlos was laughing though and that was all that really mattered. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of his tall tanned son laughing and swinging some girl around by the waist, despite having no biological relation to his husband the two Colombian children they'd adopted almost seven years ago looked startlingly similar to Antonio with their long athletic builds, tan skin and green eyes. He sent the photo to Antonio via Snapchat captioned _the little bastards more of a player then you_.

His phone buzzed and he opened up his Snapchat the photo was of his daughter sitting on Antonio's lap holding the phone and taking a selfie both had cocktails, Antonio's full of what looked like sangrias and Denali's hopefully filled with lemonade. Lovino shook his head the caption _read player? Who me?_ He shook his head, typical Antonio giving a seven year old a cocktail glass. He saved the photo and added a new caption, posting it to his story captioned _these idiots_. He slipped the phone back into his pocket at the sound of more cars pulling up. Lovino didn't like other people, he had his friends and his children and various colleges from work, and that suited him fine.

Both his children however were similar to Antonio in the respect that they were easy to get on with and tended to just attract people without even doing all that much. He ran a hand through his hair and stretched, they'd been hanging around here for about twenty minutes according to one of the fathers he'd spoken to the actual organiser of the camp had hit a traffic jam. Lovino didn't know much about this camp except that it had been organised by a man Antonio knew from PTA meetings. It Was Antonio who'd been asked originally asked to chaperone, but dance comps beats out camping trips.

"Hey Vino" a loud boisterous voice called he turned his head just in time to catch a football with his face.

"Alfred you little fucker, I'm going to kill you," he shouted stumbling back holding his nose. He knew exactly who had thrown it, his god forsaken devil of a godchild. Well Antonio's godchild.

He could hear the little son of a bitch laughing and lowered his hands placing them on his hips. He resisted the urge to throw more insults at the ten year old. He was the adopted son of one of his husband's best friends. He was also one of Carlos's best friends. The cerulean eyed child ran up to him and threw his arms around his middle.  
"Sorry Vino" he shouted, Lovino rolled his eyes and hugged the kid back.

"Don't do it again or I'll confiscate your tent, and tell your dads what a little shit you were" Alfred looked up at him and pulled away.

"Sir yes sir" Alfred said standing up straight and saluting. Carlos ran up to them. Laughing his head off. "That was classic" he said and threw an arm around Alfred.

"Lovino fixed him with a pointed glare "go play bambino" he said a slight smile creped onto his face he always found it hard to stay mad at Carlos the boy reminded him way to much of Antonio.

"How come he gets baby and I get little shit" Alfred pouted "he told me to throw it".

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "If Carlos told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?"

He asked Alfred. "Also watch your language" he snapped.

Alfred and Carlos pulled each other into a spontaneous hug "of course I would Carlos is my bro" he said squeezing the other boy tightly. "Go play" he laughed waving the children off a smile creeping onto his face.

The sound of footsteps behind him mad him turn away from the kids to face a small contingent of fathers. All fat or ugly or both, the leader a tall well-built man of about forty five he flashed Lovino a horrible smile, he regarded him warily not returning the smile.

"Dugg, when's the bastard organiser getting here, he's almost half a fucking hour late." Lovino snapped.

"Clam down, uh Lovino was it?" he said still giving him that fake shark like smile.

Lovino raised an eyebrow, as if this guy didn't know his name, he was Lovino fucking Vargas for Christ sake, the hottest documentary film maker this side of the decade, you couldn't turn a commercial channel on anymore without seeing promos for at least one of the series he'd narrated or made in the last ten years. The man realised Lovinos reason for an eye roll and seemed to relent.

"Okay I know who you are" he said rolling his shoulders forwards slightly, his button up shirt moving slightly, making a gold cross visible under the fabric.

"I'm so glad" Lovino said in a bored tone. "What do you want" he asked staring into the man's watery blue eyes.

He looked like everything Lovino hated all wrapped into one, button up shirt and suit pants, that showed off his most likely well paid "important" office job, he worked out and was handsome in a greying, I'm the best looking dad at the school kind of way, the cross meant Christian. Oh yay Lovino hated Christians they were so irritating.

"Well myself and some of the other dads were talking" he said the smile not gone. Lovino narrowed his eyes

"well they don't expect you to be able to read until a few years after talking so don't fell like there's any pressure" he said sarcastically, hoping he'd just get to the point.

The smile fell for a second but was immediately rectified.

"There's no need to be hostile, we were just talking and saying that we have enough fathers for the trip, and it would be perfectly fine for you to go home, this is nothing personal against you, you seem like a fine man and your boys a real something, we just feel that having someone with your inclinations on a camping trip full of young boys wouldn't really be in the best interest of the kids, and none of the guys here are comfortable sharing a tent with you and that's not something you can blame them for now is it "

Lovino felt like he'd been punched in the stomach he stared open mouthed at the men standing in front of him.

"You don't want me on the trip because I'm gay" he choked complete and utter shock thrumming through his veins.

"Now I don't want to out a label on it," said Dugg "we just don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable"

Lovino's shock was quickly dissipating and turning into white hot fury. He opened his mouth to give the heteronormative bastards a piece of his mind but was beaten to it. By a loud Australian accented voice.

"You fucking cunts" the voice said from Lovinos side. He turned abruptly to see Bruce Kirkland standing next to him with a face like fire, accompanied by a long haired Asian woman whom he assumed was his wife and a pretty young man who looked about seventeen with a rather strange hairstyle. Lovino hadn't even noticed them arrive.

Dugg was staring at the Australian with a mixture of shock and fear. "Bruce you finally got out of the traffic jam" he said recovering his horrible smile.

Bruce did not smile back. "Yeah I did" he growled "and you're probably going to get caught up in one when you drive the fuck back home"

Duggs eyes widened "That's not necessary Bruce it was just a little misunderstanding" he stumbled over his words. "Me and the other guys don't really feel it's in the best interest of the kids that he comes along" Dough said.

Again Lovino opened his mouth to give the man a piece of his mind and again he was cut off by the Australian.

"Are you faggots fucking serious" he growled. The pretty man and the Asian woman groaned and shook their heads respectively Lovinos eyebrows furrowed.

"You puny closed mined fucks, and your blind judgement make me sick, how fucking dare you suggest he not come, if you must fucking know his husband was asked personally by me to come on this trip and when he couldn't make it I personally fucking extended the offer to Lovino through Antonio." Bruce was absolutely livid.

Dugg looked scared "Bruce I'm sorry, but you can't really expect a heterosexual man such as myself and these gentlemen to share a tent with someone of his inclinations"

Bruce stared at the other men his mouth hanging open. Then he burst into raucous laughter, bending over double and gasping for breath.

"You crazy bastard" Lovino snapped "what the fuck" Bruce held out a hand silencing the confused Italian before straitening up and wiping tears from his eyes.

"Have you seen his husband" he choked looking at the men with a wry smile He swallowed smiled kind of like a shark. "If any of you self-righteous, arrogant, homophobic fuckwits ever bothered to show up to PTA meetings you'd know that his husband is the person your wives are thinking about when you have unsatisfying sex." He swallowed and continued, "So if any of you cunt faggots have your heads so far up your own arses to think he'd wanna bone any of you, think a fucking gain

The men's mouths dropped open like cartoon characters and Lovino nearly choked on his laughter.

"Now take your children and get the fuck off my camp" Bruce said a triumphant smirk on his face.

Dough looked appalled. He shot Bruce a nasty look and turned his contingent stalking off behind him calling out to their kids. Lovino turned to Bruce.

"Thank you" he said smiling at him.

"No problem mate" Bruce replied smiling "My Kylie does dance at your man's studio, adores Mr Antonio" he said laughing "No one fucks with people who make my little girl happy," he clapped Lovino on the back, nearly knocking him over.

The pretty teenager looked at Bruce pointedly "a little word of advice Bruce" he said sounding tired "When defending a homosexual against homophobia faggot is not an appropriate insult."

 **Thanks for reading, reviews would be appreciated, but I don't really mind. Feel free to MP me, I'm always up to make new friends.**

 **-Maria_Queen**


	2. She's getting it from you!

Chapter two: She's getting it from you!

 **I do not own hetalia.**

 **Things in Italics are past events and conversations. This story is kind of weird, this is just how I imagine Lovino and Antonio coping with a domestic life. All these are random oneshots, and don't need to be read in order. I may include some Gerita ones as well but they will be marked and wont have anything to do with the Spamano side.**

 **I changed the spelling of Denalise from Denali to Denalise for reasons. Its still pronounced the same though (Den-Ah-Lees)**

 **Mrs Robinson is an oc**

 **Most of my ocs are just filler characters so don't worry.**

Lovino was taking photos when he got the phone call.

"ciao Lovino Vargas, quello che vuoi" he said into the mobile he was resting between his neck and ear. Flicking a setting on the Nikon D3200 DSLR he'd picked up at the airport coming back from Greece only a few days ago.

"Um I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish Mr Vargas" came a clipped stressed sounding female voice.

Lovino blinked in surprise, shit he'd been home with Antonio all day so he hadn't needed to speak a lick of English since last night. He blinked switching languages in his head before standing and taking the phone into his hand.

"Sorry, I've been speaking Italian all day" he said emphasizing the word Italian. "Who are you what do you want, how did you get this number" he chastised walking across the grass heading back towards the pool where Antonio sat drinking Sangrias. He set the expensive camera down on the table and rubbed his forehead, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit tipsy, but that wasn't his fault that was the airports fault for having such a good selection of duty free Alcohol.

The woman on the other end of the phone sniffed and her voice seemed to get even more clipped and stressed, Lovino almost giggled.

"I'm Mrs Robinson, This number was on the school file" she said sounding put out. Antonio looked at him and mouthed who is it?

"The fucking bitchy second grade teacher" Lovino said in Spanish.

"What's wrong, oh god, yes that creepy Frenchman is her uncle and yes we gave her permission to go home with him, he's not a creeper" Lovino said his slightly inebriated brain thinking that was the problem.

The teacher spluttered. "Mr Vargas may I please speak to Antonio." She said in that horrible clipped way of hers.

Lovinos blood boiled. "Antonio, why do you have to talk to him, what the fucks wrong with me ha, and what the hell are you doing calling him Antonio, why you marito rubare slut " Lovino raged and the phone was grabbed off him.

"hola Mrs Robinson, how's it going" Antonio said into the receiver Lovino could see he was trying very hard not to slur. He briefly wondered how much alcohol they'd managed to consume between them today.

"Aye that is not good, no, no we'll be there, si, si it's no problem, I love seeing you chica, you weren't at salsa on Tuesday, I missed you" Antonio chattered into the phone flirtatiously. Lovino glared at him.

"Okay, Bye, bye, see you soon" he snapped the phone shut. "puta molesto" he said once the phone was off.

Lovino gave him an accusatory look.

"I'm gonna fucking kill her" he said deadpan. "Where are we going." Antonio looked at him worriedly.

"It would appear Denalise has gotten herself into some trouble and the lovely Mrs Robinson wants us to come in for a meeting" the sentence started in English morphed to Italian and ended in Spanish. Antonio was tipsy as fuck. 

Lovino stared at his husband. "And you said yes" he hiccupped slightly "stupid bastard can you drive?" he asked desperately, "Cos I certainly Can't" the rather inebriated men stared at one another silently.

"We can't go to the Elementary school shitfaced" Lovino said tying his best appear sober.

"Well we can't not got to the parents meeting, what are supposed to say, sorry Mrs Robinson drank our weight in sangria today, can't drive sorry bye" Antonio replied.

Lovino knew then that Antonio wasn't that drunk, snippiness was an early stage in Antonios drunk personality's, snippiness, silliness, arrogance sleepiness and then violence that's how Antonio progressed the more he drunk.

Lovino thought for a few seconds. "Well neither of us can drive" he said slowly, "call a cab," he said smiling widely.

He stalked towards the house almost walking into the clear plastic door.

"We have to get changed" he shouted to Antonio who was pouting and looking longingly at the pool.

Lovino knew how he felt. He'd only just gotten back from almost three months away in Greece filming for his newest documentary about the real Greek islands, showing the culture, history and people of what where normally reduce to flashy party places for rich British kids.

He'd gotten in Friday night and, seeing his babies again and spending the weekend with them had been a long awaited dream. But another long awaited dream was spending time with Antonio alone, and with a hyperactive seven year old girl and the world's most intensely physical ten year old, that had been almost impossible.

So when Lovino had woken at eleven o clock this morning and stumbled downstairs to find Antonio had dropped Carlos and Denalise at school, and informed him they'd be home together all day, he'd almost cried tears of joy.

Getting drunk had not been part of the plan. They'd started the day with the mundane chore of unpacking Lovinos stuff.

" _No, No, No, Bastard, I swear to god if you drop that I'll, aye Mi dios you dropped it."_

" _Sorry, sorry, Lovi it's heavy and… Why do we have triple our daughters' weight in duty free liquor?"_

" _It's actually more like your weight amore"_

They'd laid out the bottles until almost every surface of their kitchen was covered in various colour full spirts, wines and….

" _Lovino we don't even drink beer"_

" _So I got carried away bastard, like you never do that, remember the $400 limited edition fame poster or the fucking Dancing with the stars box sets"_

" _I was on dancing with the stars, those were given to me"_

" _I hate you so much bastard"_

Having so much premium alcohol at their disposal had proved too much of a temptation for the Europeans, and Antonio had ended up mixing enough sangria to feed an army.

It was a gorgeous, hot day and they'd quickly ended up by the pool, laughing, chatting and just relishing in each other's company. The sangrias kept coming and somehow Antonio's ipod, was put on playing flirty rhythmic salsa dancing.

" _Dance with Lovino"_

" _No bastard dance on your own"_

" _Please mi corozon"_

" _I don't know why I always do stuff for you bastardo"_

Salsa was such a sexy dance and they were both excellent at it, Antonio having taught naturally rhythmic Lovino the dance as soon as they met. However Antonio had had ulterior motives the entire time.

" _Did you just take my phone out my pocket"_

" _si"  
"why?, Oh my god if you push me in that pool, no bastard!"_

Lovino grimaced just thinking about it. Antonio had jumped in straight after and a full on water wrestling match had begun, Lovino's utter lack of cardio and Antonio's I'm technically a professional athlete strength had made the winner obvious. Of course the wrestling had eventually dissolved into steamy kissing which had in turn dissolved into…..

" _Oh my god I've missed you_ _so fucking much"_

" _Three months is too long, Lovi, I've been aching for you"_

" _Shut and kiss me, Antonio"_

" _Ah, are we to old to have sex in the pool?"_

" _God no"_

Lovino blinked out his day dreams blushing furiously. He pulled on a pair of jeans and an Armani button up, that was a lot more suitable then the shorts he'd been wearing. Shit, his shirt was still at the bottom of the pool. Antonio entered the room, and ran to the closet pulling on jeans and a real madrid t shirt. Lovino stared at him, they weren't even nice jeans.

"I have no idea what the woman at the pta see in you" he said snarkily. 

Antonio pouted at him, then gave him a stupid smile. "Just sexiness I suppose"

Lovino sniffed.

"I called a Cab it should be hear now" Antonio said slowly, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"If she realises were drunk the state could get involved and take our children away" Lovino said darkly. That sobered Antonio up quite nicely and they walked downstairs not saying anything.

The two men entered the classroom, and crossed to where Mrs Robinson sat at her desk, with a nasty frustrated expression on her face. Lovino had never like the second grade teacher she was just like him and people just like him should not be teaching seven year olds, leave the teaching of seven year olds to the Antonio's of the world he'd thought to himself, after their intense first meeting, he'd been worried the woman was going to burst under the apparent stress that teaching rambunctious second grader their abc's piled on.

She'd been utterly charmed by Antonio the first time he'd spoken and Lovino had with great pleasure palmed off any kind of contact with her that didn't involve his daughters academic future to Anonio.

She was a young plain woman, about 23 with dishwater blonde hair and a forgettable face, who dressed like she'd stolen her grandmothers clothing.

They approached the desk nervously, Antonio was humming something. Lovino elbowed him in the ribs harshly when he realised he was humming Mrs Robinson. She looked up at them giving Antonio a wide toothy smile that reminded Lovino of a shark, he grabbed Antonio's arm holding it tightly, as a show of owner ship and because Antonio tended to lose any sense of balance and grace when drunk. She turned her gaze to Lovino and have him a small clipped smile. Lovino forced himself to smile back.

"hola Mrs Robinson, it's good to see you again. Hows life treating you ah" Antonio said giving her his signature grin" Lovino rolled his eyes. There were two seats in front of the desk and he dragged the Spaniard over to one and sat in the other, the classroom did a 180 at the sudden drop.

He blinked to himself and rubbed his temples noticing Antonio doing the same.

Mrs Robinson gave them a weird look, then fixed her penetrating gaze on Lovino.

"Mr Vargas, I would like to inform you that I googled the insult you used on me on the phone and whilst you have nothing to worry about, as I'm engaged, I do not appreciate being called a slut" she said sounding very putout.

Lovino glared at her.

"Sorry honey but whilst gay marriage is allowed now, bestiality is yet to be accepted, but best of luck to you and your dog though" It occurred only after he'd opened his mouth that he'd spoken his thought out loud

"shit."

Antonio was staring at him opened mouthed. Mrs Robisons face was like thunder.

"I think I understand where your horrid little child is getting her disgusting behaviour from"

Lovino stared, okay that crossed a line, yes he'd been, so rude, oh god he was an asshole. But there was no reason to bring his baby into this. He opened his mouth to give the woman a piece of his mind, but was cut off by Antonio.

"ha ha ha, Lovi didn't mean that he's just tired from having sex in the pool and doing other stuff, plus he's kind of an ass sometimes, if you think he's being hostile don't, I mean the first thing he ever said to me was hey bastard, if you don't wanna get deported then get the fuck out of my face, then he threw wine all over my shirt and told me I was a no better then a German potato seller. And now he's married to me so just take it with laugh that's what I always do"

Lovino and Mrs Robinson stared at him.

"Just tell us what Denalise did so we can all go and get shitfaced" Lovino said staring at his hands.

"I think that would be best" said Mrs Robinson the confused slightly scared look she'd acquired throughout Antonios rant still on her face.

"Your daughter is normally a tad over excited in class but generally she's a nice girl who follows the rules, today however, well" she took a deep breath. "she started the day by standing on a chair and screaming the word Puta which I later found out is Spanish for whore at the kids who were coming into the class" The teacher looked at them as if asking for an explanation.

"Don't look at me, I'm not Spanish" Lovino said tilting his chin into the air.

Antonio looked at the ground. "She may have heard me talking to my father on the phone recently" he said guiltily. "But she doesn't understand what it means she's seven"

"Yeah and her Spanish is about as good as Antonio's Italian" Lovino chimed in

"My Italians good" Antonio protested.

'Yeah for a seven year old" Lovino countered smirking.

Mrs Robinson held up her hands. "That's not all, later in the day she was playing with a sand timer and Michelle Bonnefoy whom I'm assuming you know outside of school, wanted to play blocks, so she went and played blocks with another student, they got into a fight and when it ended Denalise kissed Michelle on the mouth and said and I quote You're a cock sucking whore but I love you"

Antonio and Lovino stared at Mrs Robinson, Mrs Robinson stared back.

 _Denalise was watching her parents through a gap in the kitchen door, they'd been fighting about something she knew because of the raised voices, but she'd also thought she heard laughter._

" _you actually did that" came Papas voice, Papa had only just got back from Greece and it was so nice to have him home, he'd brought her a ton of pretty clothes too._

" _Si I'm sorry Lovino, we were drunk though" That was Daddy talking if anyone could get Papa to calm down it was Daddy, even if Papa would pretend to stay angry, one kiss from Daddy and it all melted away._

 _She looked through the gap they were standing at the kitchen bar Daddy leaning over it and Papa looking amused and folding his arms._

" _Had you met me yet" he asked tilting his head to the side._

" _No, it was like a year before I met you, I was at one of his art shows and it was just a suck off in the bathroom anyway, we were gonna go to a hotel but he was so drunk he nearly threw up on me, then Lugwig appears of nowhere and I'm like what the fuck are you doing at an art show, turns out he was there to stalk Feli and took him off my hands. I hardly thought about it then a year later I meet you."_

 _Papa burst out laughing, "oh my god you waited ten years to tell me you got a quickie from my brother in a bathroom stall before you met me"_

" _I didn't think it was appropriate first date talk" papa replied._

 _Daddy moved around the breakfast bar and put his arms around papa waist, Papa turned his head away but eventually relented and kissed daddy on the mouth before pulling back. "You're a cock sucking whore but I love you"_

 _Denalise lent on the door slightly. It creaked and opened more. Daddy and papa broke away from each other quickly. "Whos there" came daddies voice "Denalise you should be sleeping" Denalise knew she'd been caught but stayed quiet even still, she heard foot steps and the door swung open and she felt herself being scooped into daddys arms and swung around. "What are you doing listening at kitchen doors" he chastised setting her on the breakfast bar and fixing her with what he thought was a stern glare. She laughed "I thought I heard fighting" she said and grinned. Papa came around and stood next to Daddy._

" _You're a naughty girl bambino" he said shaking his head. "I guess we have no choice but to sell you for a border collie" he finished. Denalise stared up at him in fear. "don't sell me Papa" she said softly "I'm sorry" Papa smiled and pulled her into his arms "just joking" he said and hugged her, she sank into his warm embrace. "lets get you back to bed bambino" he said._

" _Wait" Denalise said abruptly pulling away and looking into her father's eyes. "What was Daddy doing with Uncle Feli that made you mad" she asked innocently. Her fathers stared at her blankly, Papa looked a little distressed._

" _Daddy played blocks with uncle Feli instead of playing sand timers with Papa" Daddy said abruptly. Denalise settled back into her father's embrace her curiosity sated. She heard him omit a sigh of relief. "Say good night to daddy" Papa told her. As he carried her form the room. Denalise looked over his shoulder and smiled at her other father. "buenas noches daddy" she said he blew her a kiss and replied the same way._

Antonio and Lovino stared at one another, Antonio turned dramatically to Mrs Robinson, "Well you see what happen was, I got a quickie form his brother…"

"Shut the fuck up Antonio" Lovino said he'd forgotten how much shit Antonio said whilst drunk.

Mrs Robinson looked at him with an angry glare.

"She's getting it from you" She said with steel in her eyes.

 **Thanks to everyone who followed/favourited this story, it really means the world to me.**

 _Quello che vuoi- what do you want? (Italian)_

 _Marito rubare slut- Husband stealing slut (Italian)_

 _Puta molesto- annoying whore (Spanish)_

 _Buenas noches- Good night (Spanish)_

 **-Maria Queen**


End file.
